Walking in a Winter Wonderland... Unfortunately

If you or anyone you know asks you what country is the best do not say Canada. I myself am in fact Canadian and no, I do not enjoy hockey nor do I ride a polar bears as a method of transportation, but the stereotype that is true is that it always seems like a never ending winter. Yes, Canada is known for good things and good people (arguable--Rob Ford) but jack frost NEVER leaves your side (I wouldn't mind if it was Jack Frost from Raise of the Guardians, Damn that boy is fine). This country is as cold as my dead heart- and that is VERY cold. I recall one time my mother had invited her friends who were visiting from Florida to come and say hi while they stayed here in winter wonderland. The couple had brought their three children along with them, which is where this story gets somewhat interesting. The kids talked to us in a manner as though my brother and I suffered from mental disabilities, they asked us if we knew what a TV was and if we have heard of something called the internet as well. Needless to say that my brother and I were not impressed by these American strangers.

But my story does not end here my may-or-may not be friends. These kids had some sort of allergy to sugar, if they ate to much of it they got extreme diarrhea. We did not know this at the time, but they feasted on lots of sugar-filled cookies that day. The one brother came in from swimming in our pool because he had dropped a load in his swim trunks. It was then that he proceeded into my room, changed his clothes, and stuck the filled bathing suit under my bed. He informed no one of his actions so when they left, I went to my room and was greeted by the profound smell of sugary diarrhea. I did not know that he had put that thing under my bed so I spent the next twenty minutes trying to locate the source of the stench. I eventually found it but... I realized when I did, I never wanted to in the first place.

With that said, Canada has its ups and downs. Personally I think the best place to live in the world would be in the world. A nice deep grave away from society would do me dandy.
Sincerely,
 a clinically depressed author.